


What goes around, comes around.

by Rin_chan32



Series: I’m falling apart while you’re being put back together [1]
Category: Houseki no Kuni
Genre: Aechmea destroys literally Phos amd ruins their happiness, Angst, Being Phosphophyllite Is Suffering, Cairngorm and Ghost Quartz are siblings, Cairngorm is a Little Shit, Cairngorm is a spoiled brat and treats everyone terribly, Child Abuse, College AU, Death, F/F, F/M, Houseki no Kuni Spoilers, Human AU, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, One-sides relationships, Other, Physical Abuse, This is going to be gigantic when I’m done, Unhealthy Relationships, implied alcoholism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-07-28 09:08:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16238528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rin_chan32/pseuds/Rin_chan32
Summary: Phosphophyllite’s point of view_______________Everything started with Cinnabar.Then, Phosphophyllite met Antarcticite and forgot all about Cinnabar.When they died, they went back to Cinnabar and left them for Cairngorm.Then, when Cairngorm left them for Aechmea, Phosphophyllite was all alone.Until they went back to Cinnabar...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize beforehand if this sucks because I am terrible at writing stuff without a lot dialogue.

> Everything started with Cinnabar. 
> 
>  
> 
> Phosphophyllite met them when they were a little kid, they were both in the same 1st grade class together. When they walked in the classroom with their tiny hand holding their mothers fingers, their bright eyes saw the other away from the rest of the kids. They let go of their mother and immediately went over to them, smiling at them happily as they took a seat next to them. “Hello!” They greeted them happily, taking a seat next to them. The red head looked at the other with a surprised look in their eyes before they moved their body to look away from the other.  
> 
>  
> 
> “I’m Phosphophyllite, what’s your name?” They asked, moving to look at the other with a large smile on their lips. The other child looked at them with a slight glare before they looked away from them again. 
> 
>  
> 
> “Cinnabar,” They muttered softly, their red eyes looked at the other before they looked away again. 
> 
>  
> 
> “Nice to meet you, Cinnabar!” Phosphophyllite cheered happily,  getting up from the spot next to them to set their bag somewhere. They ran back to them and grabbed their hand before they dragged them to the small play area in the room. 
> 
>  
> 
> “What are you-“ Cinnabar started, stopping their sentence as the cheerful child shoved some toys into their arms. 
> 
>  
> 
> “Let’s play together, okay?” Phos said cheerfully before they sat down, waiting for Cinnabar to sit down next to them so they can play together. 
> 
>  
> 
> They knew that the younger redhead didn’t want to be near them, but they didn’t really mind that— they just wanted to be near their new friend. 
> 
>  
> 
> And it was like that everyday until they both went into middle school, which was where Cinnabar became more willing to hang out with them. Although they hung out in between classes, in lunch, and a little bit after school, they never hung out during the weekends or during summer break. Phosphophyllite was always begging for them to hand out, but Cinnabar always said no and never gave an excuse for why they never hung out. 
> 
>  
> 
> And then in 8th grade, they found out that the other was abused by their mother and never told anyone about it. The only thing they remember from that day was Cinnabar hugging them tightly while they cried heavily, Phosphophyllite holding them tightly as tears trailed down their cheeks. “I promise I won’t leave you alone..” they whispered over and over again as they cried together.
> 
>  
> 
> They kept their promise, until middle of their freshman year that is..
> 
>  
> 
> That was the year that they met Antarcticite— or Antarc for short— and Phos was more than happy to meet them. Phosphophyllite and Cinnabar didn’t have much classes together and mostly spent their time together during lunch or a little bit after school. Antarcticite was originally a homeschool student and their father transferred them to there so their family could focus on work more. 
> 
>  
> 
> At first, Phosphophyllite didn’t think much of the other at first, but then they found themselves talking about them to Cinnabar whenever they got they spoke. They found themselves… ignoring the other to talk about their new friend, even preferring to hang out with the other. The two of them hung out during the hot, summer months and laughed in Antarc’s cold room as they ate ice cream.
> 
>  
> 
> When sophomore year started up, they had more classes together and with Cinnabar too, so Phos tried to make the two of them become friends. But, Cinnabar told them that they didn’t want to be with them— and Phosphophyllite forced them to be with them. Things between the two of them went downhill after Phos and Antarcticite started to date halfway into the year. 
> 
>  
> 
> They found themselves ignoring their friend more than before— always on their phone to talk to their partner during classes, talking to them besides talking to their friend next to them, and even not talking to them when the both of them were alone. 
> 
>  
> 
> Everything was same between them until their senior year— Which was the year Antarcticite died due to accidental drowning. Phosphophyllite was a complete mess, holed up in their room and not talking to anyone and being all by themselves. 
> 
>  
> 
> Cinnabar didn’t talk to them for what seems like months before they went over to them with a sympathetic look after school one day. “Are you okay?” They asked them softly. 
> 
>  
> 
> The teal gem looked at them with a slightly cold look, “why are you bothering to talk to me after I annoyed you all this time?” They asked harshly.  
> 
>  
> 
> Cinnabar’s jaw clenched, “well I’m sorry for actually caring about you,” they snapped as they back away and started to turn around. “You can just go on and mope by your goddamn self.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Cinnabar, wait!” Phos called, nearly tripping as they ran after the other, “I’m sorry for saying that, I’m… I’m just lost and I don’t know what to do with myself right now. And I’m sorry for ignoring you while I was with Antarc, I didn’t know what to do during a relationship and I was confused.” 
> 
>  
> 
> They watched Cinnabar look back at them, their little hair noodle covering their eyes before they turned around to walk away again. Phosphophyllite sighed as they ran to get in front of the other, “forgive me, please?” They asked as they have the other a sad look. 
> 
>  
> 
> Cinnabar frowned as they looked at phos in the eyes with slight anger before they sighed, “fine, just don’t do it again.” They muttered, walking past the other as they went back into their car to go home. 
> 
>  
> 
> The two didn’t talk much after that, which was probably out of awkwardness or not knowing what to say. Instead, they just glanced at either other, gave the other small smile or even waved. Phosphophyllite knew that Cinnabar liked to have their space, but they didn’t like the large gap gap between them at the moment. And although they had a history of popping the others personal bubble in the past, they felt as if Antarcticite’s death made them mature in multiple ways— so doing that now just didn’t seem right to them. 
> 
>  
> 
> After their high school graduation, Cinnabar went up to the other with a slight blush on their cheeks (in which phos concluded that it might be from all the compliments their getting from looking so nice). They hesitated for a bit before they gave them a small piece of paper torn off from the program they were all given. “Here,” they muttered as they looked at the ground softly, “there’s the college I’m going to.” They muttered softly. 
> 
>  
> 
> Phosphophyllite looked at them with slight surprise before they took the paper from them with a smile, “Thanks, but I figured that you would’ve went to  one out of state or something.”
> 
>  
> 
> “I was, but I didn’t get accepted into the one I was wanting to go to and that’s my second choice,” Cinnabar muttered with a sigh before looking at the other softly. “Where are you going?”
> 
>  
> 
> “I’m going to one a bit farther away,” Phos replied with a small sad smile, “It’s in the next city over, my parents went there and they thought that it would be the best for me.”
> 
>  
> 
> “I see…” the other nodded before they gave the other a gentle smile, “I hope everything goes well for you then..”
> 
>  
> 
> “The same goes to you,” they replied as they watched the redhead wave at them before walking away to their family. 
> 
>  
> 
> After that, the two of them didn’t talk for a few months after they saw each other. Phos was the one who texted them and asked if they wanted to hang out somewhere to study. Cinnabar agreed to meet up with them, but they didn’t actually meet up until a while later. And when it they _did_  meetup, it was pretty awkward when they first saw each other. 
> 
>  
> 
> Phos kept reasking dumb questions and Cinnabar was quiet for most of the time, nodding and answering all of their questions quietly. And when they worked, the both of them were silent up to the point to where Cinnabar got up and said goodbye. 
> 
>  
> 
> They tried to meet up again the next month and it was significantly better than the first time they met up. Phosphophyllite was less awkward when talking with the other and the two of them were able to talk normally. They laughed at dumb things that happened and both talked about how nervous, yet excited they were to talk about starting the new school year. 
> 
>  
> 
> After their good meeting, they decided to try to meet each other once a week to either hang out or study. And them meeting up was successful until the middle of sophomore year for the both of them. 
> 
>  
> 
> In one of Phosphophyllite’s classes, there was someone who sat close to them who looked shockingly similar to Antarcticite. The way how they did their hair and how their eyes and face looked just like them. They found themselves looking at them more than once during classes and even trying to make themselves talk to them. 
> 
>  
> 
> The two of them finally talked when their teacher assigned them to work in a project and Phos was ecstatic to work with them. They were so happy to be with them and to know more about them, until when they called them Antarc. 
> 
>  
> 
> “I’m not Antarc,” they correctly, looking up from the gigantic textbook in front of them. “My name is Cairngorm.”
> 
>  
> 
> “S-Sorry…” Phosphophyllite apologized, their 
> 
> cheeks heating up when they called them the wrong name. “It’s just… you look like one of my old partners that passed away a few years ago and… and I miss them.” 
> 
>  
> 
> “I see…” Cairngorm hummed before they started to write some stuff down on the paper next to their textbook. “You call me Antarc if you want.” 
> 
>  
> 
> “Huh?” Phos asked as they looked at the other with surprise in their eyes. 
> 
>  
> 
> “You can call me by your lost partners name,” the explained more thoroughly, “I’m sure that Lapis wouldn’t mind if you did that.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Thanks…” they muttered, looking at them write stuff down a paper before they continued to work on theirs as well. Phos tried to contact Cinnabar so they could hang out, but the redhead said that they couldn’t meet up for a while before they were busy. 
> 
>  
> 
> And then they didn’t talk for months after that. 
> 
>  
> 
> Instead of talking to their childhood friend, they were too busy hanging out with Cairngorm and their friends. Because after the two of them worked together they asked the slightly younger gem if they wanted to be friends and hang out with them and their friends. And phos agreed, and enjoyed being with the person that looked like the one they loved. 
> 
>  
> 
> The only downside to being with them though?
> 
>  
> 
> It was the fact that whenever Lapis Lazuli— who was dating Cairngorm— was with the other, they’d always be so lovey-dovey when they were together and left cairns sibling, Ghost Quartz, and Phos alone together. And as much Cairngorm looked like Antarcticite, it only hurt them incredibly much when they saw them getting close and kissing someone else that wasn’t them. But, the more hung out with them, the more they realized that they weren’t the same person. 
> 
>  
> 
> The other downside of being with them, was that all 3 of them were heavy drinkers and they all smoked or did some form of drug. And since Phos was hanging out with them— they got roped into doing the same stuff they were doing. 
> 
>  
> 
> At first, phos wasn’t really on board with doing the same stuff as they did, but after a few weeks they were doing the same stuff as they did. Phos would always go home and force their body to get used to all of the new substances that were entering their body. 
> 
>  
> 
> Everything was fine between the 4 of them before Lapis said that they were going to go back home and finish the rest of college there. Apparently their father was severely injured in a car crash and their mother needed help taking care of him until he got better, so Lapis said that they were just going to finish the other 2 years at home. 
> 
>  
> 
> And things got better for Phosphophyllite when they left because they got to be in a relationship with Cairngorm. They don’t really remember anything else of that besides them saying “I’ll try to be a good replacement for you” before kissing them. 
> 
>  
> 
> After that, Phosphophyllite dyed their hair to look just like the others and they were finally so happy to be with the person that they wanted to. They were happy to do things with Cairngorm that they didn’t get the chance to do with Antarcticite and they were happy that the two of them were together. And they were at their peak of happiness and they were so self absorbed in being so happy after so long— they completely forgot about Cinnabar. 
> 
>  
> 
> They remembered when they got a message from the other in the middle of junior year saying _’Hey, I’m able to hang out now if you still want to do study or something.’_
> 
>  
> 
> They agreed to go with them, but they regretted it— and they completely blamed themselves for ruining it. 
> 
>  
> 
> When the day came to when the two of them met again, they could immediately tell that Cinnabar wasn’t impressed on how they looked now. Their rosy lips pressed tightly against each other as they curved into a frown before they slightly glared at the other. “You’ve changed.” They said simply their arms crossed in front of their chest. 
> 
>  
> 
> And as Phosphophyllite looked at their childhood friend, they realized that they were shorter than they remembered them to be. Plus as they looked at the other, they noticed how their eyes looked tired and the upper half of their body was covered with a large, baggy sweatshirt— which was quite peculiar since it was pretty warm outside. “You.. seemed like you’ve changed as well.”
> 
>  
> 
> The redhead replied with a silent shrug before they turned around to go sit down somewhere. “Not really…” they muttered softly. 
> 
>  
> 
> They placed their stuff at the table they decided to be at before the two of them went to go order their stuff. And when they got back, the two of them were silent and either of them talked to another. Phos constantly looked up at the other working as they thought of what to say to the other to start a conversation. And after around 30-ish minutes, they cleared their throat and placed their pencil down. “So… what have you been up to?”
> 
>  
> 
> Cinnabar looked up at them curiously, looking at them for a while before they looked back at their papers. “Nothing much…” they muttered with a small sighed. “Just busy with school and work.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Oh, where do you work?” They asked the other curiously. 
> 
>  
> 
> “At the cafe near my school. I didn’t want to work there but Diamond had me apply with them.” They explained, which made the others face light up from curiosity. 
> 
>  
> 
> “You’re friends with Dia!?” Phosphophyllite asked loudly as they looked at the other surprised. They remembered that they always used look up to Diamond— and along with Bortz, Yellow, Red, and Green Diamond— because they were always so pretty and nice and had everything Phos wanted when they were younger. They never would’ve guessed that one day Cinnabar and Diamond would be friends— or that they even gotten the chance to talk or work together. 
> 
>  
> 
> Cinnabar shrugged, “I guess you could say something like that.” They murmured, obviously not thinking too much of the thing Phos was so fascinated about. “What about you?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Huh?” The blue gem looked at the other, surprised of them suddenly asking a question. 
> 
>  
> 
> “What have you been up to?” They asked, their red eyes looking up briefly before going back to writing. 
> 
>  
> 
> “Well..” Phosphophyllite started, happily swaying before they told the other all of the things that they did with Cairngorm and their friends. As they told the other all of the things they did, they didn’t realize that Cinnabar stopped doing their work and that their hand was shaking from either being upset or from anger. And they didn’t see that their hand was shaking and that a vein was popping out on the side of their forehead until they slammed their mechanical pencil on the table and looked at them. 
> 
>  
> 
> “I’m sorry, but do you hear yourself?” They asked them harshly, anger in their voice as they spoke. “It sounds like I don’t even know you anymore!”
> 
>  
> 
> Phosphophyllite looked at the other confused, “why are so upset about what I’ve doing!?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Why am I so upset?” Cinnabar repeated loudly, getting irritated at the other. “Are you even processing what you’re doing to yourself!?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Yea, I do and I’m feeling pretty damn fine right now.” Phos replied, getting upset that the other was scolding them for their decisions. “And why are you so upset about what I’m doing with my life!?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Because you’re ruining your life?” Cinnabar said as they gave them an angry look. “You hooked up with someone who you don’t even know, and now you’re going off and doing all of this stuff so you can be with them? What’s even going through your head!?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Well at least I’m doing stuff that I’m happy doing rather than doing nothing and being miserable like you!” Phos snapped at the other angrily, regretting the words that came out of their mouth soon after. 
> 
>  
> 
> Cinnabar’s face looked at the other sadly with pain in their eyes before they looked away from the other quickly and slammed their book shut. They got their things together and shoved their stuff into the bag they brought with them before getting up and walking away angrily. “You can go ahead and destroy your life and you can see if I care.” They snapped before they walked out. 
> 
>  
> 
> Phosphophyllite sat there for a while as guilt sank into their body as they realized that they just most likely lost their best friend and the person who forgave them the most for all of their childish antics. But, they shook the guilt out of the body as they got up and kept in mind that Cinnabar didn’t know them better than they knew themselves. And yea, they’ve been friends on and off for as long as they could remember, but they didn’t know that was best for them and vise versa. 
> 
>  
> 
> And for the rest of that year, Phos started to subtly brag about how happy that were to Cinnabar. Although they didn’t talk one-on-one anymore, the now-blue gem would always post pictures or videos of them having fun with Cairngorm or new friends that they made to show that they were happy with their decisions. And as for Cinnabar? It seemed like they disappeared off of the face of the earth. 
> 
>  
> 
> Although they were never a social media person, nothing new was from them for the longest time. All of the apps and accounts that they had to talk to Phosphophyllite or other people on, it always said that they haven’t been on for months. And Phos did get worried them, but they tried to keep in mind that they were just busy and that everything was okay with their old friend. 
> 
>  
> 
> And everything was okay for Phosphophyllite until it was around the first few week of senior year. That was the year when Phos and Cairngorm met some guy named Aechmea— who went back to for something phos wasn’t interested in but knew that they were older than the both of them. The two of them never really bothered with him at all and neither found him to interesting enough to hang out with him. 
> 
>  
> 
> But, that didn’t last too long. 
> 
>  
> 
> After winter break ended and Phosphophyllite came back from after visiting some of their family, Cairngorm and Aechmea were talking and hanging out together. They meant to ask the other what happened over the break to make them actually want to be hang out with the other, but the ended forgot to ask them. And although Phos didn’t really mind all that much with the male hanging out with them (and they didn’t mind too much because Ghost thought that it was weird that he just randomly showed up), they thought that they could last with the other a bit longer. And things just got worse for them a couple of months later when Cairngorm and Aechmea actually gotten more closer than they were. 
> 
>  
> 
> Cairngorm decided that they didn’t care of Phosphophyllite as much anymore and was more focused on being with the other, always wanting to do stuff with him and inviting him to certain things without asking anyone. Phos and Cairn started to share the same dorm after junior year, and now it’s basically a Phos’ dorm not because they're never there. The two of them got into fights more often and the main topic of their fights mostly being about Aechmea and always being there and how the white gem was so attracted to him. 
> 
>  
> 
> And things just went downhill for everyone the longer they were together.
> 
>  
> 
> Whenever Phosphophyllite went to hang out with Ghost and Cairn, either one of the other was there. Cairn seemed like that wanted nothing to do with their older sibling and Ghost didn’t want to be with them anymore. It seemed like they fought whenever they were around either, nothing was violent, but there a ton of yelling involved. 
> 
>  
> 
> And it seemed like their relationship disappeared as well. Cairngorm would always treat them as a friend and nothing more even though they were in a relationship. And even though they shared a dorm together, it just seemed like they were just assigned as roommates without either of their opinion on it. And at the end of the year, Phosphophyllite has enough of how awkward they were. 
> 
>  
> 
> And eventually they found themselves coming back from a class and going to the room Cairngorm claimed as there. They stood there for a while before they let out a sigh and asked “do you love me?”
> 
>  
> 
> And the face they made when the question left their lips was all that they needed to know. “Why are you asking me that now?” Cairngorm asked with harshness in their voice. 
> 
>  
> 
> Phos reaches up and started to play with some of their overgrown bangs, “Well, I’m just asking because ever since you started to hang out with Aechmea, you’ve been hanging out with him more than me. And every time you come back from being with him, you barely acknowledge me when I try to talk to you.”
> 
>  
> 
> An annoyed sigh came from the others lips as they moved to put on their favorite sweatshirt, “Why does that bother you so damn much? Can I not do my own stuff now?” They snapped at the other as they went to grab their keys from the other side of the room. 
> 
>  
> 
> “Because aren’t we dating?” Phosphophyllite asked with slight worry in their voice, “we’ve been together for almost 2 years and you haven’t been the same ever since you started being with him.”
> 
>  
> 
> “And who the hell are you? My mom?” Cairngorm asked them sarcastically as they turned to look the other in the eyes. “And why are you caring so damn much about what I’m doing with my life?”
> 
>  
> 
> Phos paused for a bit as they opened their mouth to say something, but closed it before they looked at the other shyly. “I care about you so much because I love you.”
> 
>  
> 
> The white gem sighed before they went over to the other and pat their shoulder, “good for you, I don’t love you back.” They said before that pat their shoulder once more and walked out of their room.
> 
>  
> 
> The other stood there and processed the others words for about a minute before they turned around and ran after the other. “Wait, What do you mean that you don’t love me back!?” 
> 
>  
> 
> Cairngorm let out an upset groan and as they turned around and looked at the other with a frown, “I mean what I said.” They answered simply, their grey eyes watching them open their mouth to say something else, but turned around before they could said anything else. “I’m going to hang out with Aechmea for a bit, so don’t go anywhere.”
> 
>  
> 
> “No!” Phosphophyllite yelled as they ran past the other and pressed their back against the door so they couldn’t leave. “You don’t need to hang out with him again! Just stay here with me, please?”
> 
>  
> 
> The other wasn’t impressed by their efforts, sighed as they went over to them and tried to make them move out of the way. “Goddamnit Phos, move out of the way I can leave.”
> 
>  
> 
> “I’m not leaving!” They exclaimed as tried to use all of their strength to stay in front of the door, “you barely know him and I’ve done more for you than he ever has!”
> 
>  
> 
> “Phos, I mean it— move out of the way.” They barked as they tried to move the other out of the way. 
> 
>  
> 
> “No!” Phosphophyllite yelled loudly as they tried to move Cairngorm out of the way so they could stay with them, using their leg to push them away. Cairn let out an angry sigh before they took a step back before they slapped the other, their head banging against the door and the noise echoing in their small apartment. Phos let out a grunt as they took a small step away from the door and held their throbbing head. They didn’t stay there for too long before they went to back to the door to prevent Cairngorm from leaving, a few of their fingers being smashed in the process of slamming the door shut. “Don’t leave me alone again!”
> 
>  
> 
> “Just leave me alone already!” Cairn yelled angrily at they shoved their knee into the others side multiple times to get them away from the door. It worked for a little bit before Phos latched onto the others leg, getting hit in the face a few times. 
> 
>  
> 
> It wasn’t too uncommon for Phosphophyllite to get hurt by Cairngorm, they usually got hit by the other here and there whenever the other thought that they were being too annoying or clingy. But, they’ve never been hurt repeatedly from the other like this time— and that’s because they’ve never been so desperate for Cairngorm to stay with them. 
> 
>  
> 
> And Phos tried as hard as they could to get Cairngorm to stay with them, pushing through the pain that was inflicted onto them. But, in the end they ended on the ground after the other shoved them onto the floor next to the coffee table. They lied there as they let the pain flow throughout their body, trying to get up to go back to cairn.
> 
>  
> 
> “Just stay here and leave me alone,” they snapped at them as they started to leave, “and stop being so damn childish for once.”
> 
>  
> 
> And they left with a slam of the door. 


	2. Chapter 2

Phosphophyllite laid there on the floor for what seemed like an eternity before they felt their lips quiver as they started to cry. They rolled over on their back as they covered their face with their shaky hands as they cried. Phos let their tears run down their cheeks and let hisses of pain leave their lips when it ran over their injuries they got from Cairngorm. Why isn’t there someone who actually cares about them??

 

_“You can go ahead and destroy your life and you can see if I care.”_

Their eyes snapped opened as they looked as they remembered an old friend.

_Cinnabar…_

Phos quickly got up from their spot on the floor, trying to run to their room but their shin hit the corner of the coffee table next to them. They let out a painful yell as they fell back onto a ground, scrambling up as they tried to run to their room.

_They hesitated for a bit before they gave them a small piece of paper torn off from the program they were all given. “Here,” they muttered as they looked at the ground softly, “there’s the college I’m going to.” They muttered softly._

Phosphophyllite looked at their now-clean room before they went around their room and threw things to look for that slip of paper that they always held onto. They tore their room to shreds and left their schoolwork, report cards they never gave to their parents, pictures, and other stuff as they searched their entire room for it. Amd when they got to their closet, they pulled down old show boxes and let things fall onto their head as they looked for the paper Cinnabar gave them years ago.

They eventually found it at a picture album their mother made them put together, their shaking hands practically ripping it apart as they took out the paper. But, their hope was lost as they looked on both sides of the paper and their address wasn’t on there. Phosphophyllite let out an angry groan as they sat down on their now-messy floor, putting the paper in their pocket as they thought of what to do next. “Think Phos, think…” they muttered, their fingers tapping on the top of their head as they retraced their memory for someway to find them.

_“Oh, where do you work?” They asked the other curiously._

_“At the cafe near my school. I didn’t want to work there but Diamond had me apply with them.” They explained, which made the others face light up from curiosity._

_“You’re friends with Dia!?”_

“DIA!” Phosphophyllite yelled loudly as they shot up and ran to go get their phone that they left in the living room. They picked it up and scrolled through their contacts, looking at Diamonds number for what seemed like forever before they clicked on it and pressed it against their ear. “Come Dia, please pick up…” they murmured as they started to pace around the living room. And after a minute or so, the ringing from the other side ended and Phos felt their heart skip a beat.

“Hello..?” Diamond’s voice echoed from the other side.

“Hi Dia!” Phos said happily, “It’s Phosphophyllite, I went to highschool with you?”

It was quiet between them before there was a small gasp from the other, “Ah, Phos! How are you!?”

“I’m good!” Phos lied, kicking their foot on the carpet in the living room, “I was actually wondering if you could help me with something?”

“What do you need help with?” Diamond asked, slight worry in their voice, “is everything okay?”

“Yea, I was just wondering if you knew where Cinnabar lived? They told mentioned while back that you went to the school as them and I wanted to talk to them since they aren’t answering their phone.”

“I should have it somewhere, let me look for it, I’ll be right back.” Diamond said, leaving Phos to let out a heavy sigh of relief before they ran to Cairngorm room to steal one of their pens since their room was a disaster. They went back to the living room and sat down on the floor before they dug out the piece of paper out of their pocket. And when Diamond gave them the others address, they wrote it down before shouting thank you as loud as they could.

And when the other hung up, Phosphophyllite shoves the paper and Cairngorm’s pen (which they were never going to give back) before they ran back to their room. They grabbed their keys and then their charger before they turned off the light and they ran out of their bedroom and ran to their car. But, once they had their hand on the door handle, the realized that Cairn told them not to leave and it might be easier to find them somewhere since they knew their license plate.

So they booked it instead of taking their car.

Phosphophyllite ran as fast as their injured legs could take them as they tried to run to Cinnabar’s address. They knew that it was going to take forever to get there by foot, but they wanted to believe that if they ran fast enough they would get there faster. Plus they didn’t want to go back home and Cairngorm to find them out of the house when they told them not to leave.

But, after a few blocks, they started to get tired and wanted to walk to whole way there even though it was going to take a lot longer to get there. So, they forced themselves to keep on running even though they started to get a stitch on their side and they were out of breath. And they kept on running and moving past people who gave them weird looks, only really stopping to catch their breath and let the pain go away or getting up when they slipped and fell on the sidewalk.

Everything hurt, their entire body hurt and they just wanted to turn around and go home so they could lay in their bed. They wanted to call someone to ask them to take them to Cinnabar’s place, but they didn’t want anyone to tell Cairngorm of their whereabouts— so they inflicted more pain on themselves by continuing to run to their destination.

And luckily for them, someone seemed to notice that they were suffering so much and pulled over and asked if they needed a ride somewhere. And they immediately said yes— even though they thought that it might’ve been a bad idea since they didn’t even know that person. But they just wanted to see their friend, that’s all they wanted to do at that moment.

The person who drove the car seemed concerned about them— which was because they lost likely saw the wounds Cairngorm gave them along with all the new scraps that were because they fell so much. Phosphophyllite gave the person driving the car the school Cinnabar went to along with their address Dia gave them, leaning back in the chair their were in before they started to bounce their leg. They bit their lip as their stomach did backflips as they tried to think about what Cinnabar might do or say when they saw them.

The other was… quite predictable, but at the same they were hard to guess what they might do. Phos didn’t know whether or not they would tell them to go back home or if they wouldn’t let them inside because they were still upset about their fight. And thinking about if they would send them back home was actually terrifying for the other to think about.

When the person in the front seat stopped around where the other requested to be, Phos thanked them nearly a thousand times before they gave them some of the money that they had on them. And when they drove off, they took out the piece of paper that surprisingly didn’t fall out before they started to run to where it said Cinnabar lived.

Their body still aches from falling and their stitch on the side of their stomach was coming back as they ran up the stairs and down the hallway to get to their apartment. And when they found the numbers on the door that matched up with the address Dia gave them, they let out a sigh of relief as they took a few steps towards the door in front of them.

Phosphophyllite hesitated for a little bit before they used their injured hand to knock on the others door, wincing a bit as they took a small step back so they wouldn’t be in the others face. It felt like the longest time waiting before they heard a chain from the side of the door and the lock being unlocked. And then Cinnabar open the door and stood in the doorway, their slender fingers lightly resting on the doorknob.

They had on a black, baggy sweatshirt (which looked like it didn’t belong to them because it looked gigantic on them) and they had on black athletic shorts on. They were also wearing mismatched socks on and they also had some hair separated from the other and was near the center of their face.

Phosphophyllite looked at Cinnabar standing in the doorway before they let out a small sigh and held themselves back. They watched the others facial expression then from curiosity, to surprise, and then to concern as they looked at the other. “Phos…?” They spoke after about a minute, their voice sounding worried.

The other gem felt their lip quiver before they ran up to the other and gave them a tight hug as they cried on their shoulder. “I’m so sorry that I didn’t listen to you…” they cried, saying that they were sorry over and over again as they held onto the other.

Cinnabar stood there for a while before they hugged them back softly, taking their hand off of their back as they gently took them inside. They took them to their couch and sat them down before they went to the kitchen and got them some water. And when the other calm down and stopped crying, their red eyes looking at them worriedly. “What happened to you?”

Phosphophyllite presses their lips together before they took a deep breath as they held onto the cup the redhead gave them. “A-After a few months I saw you, Cairngorm met some guy who was older than the both of us and they just,” they paused as they sniffed and wiped their new tears away with their beat up wrist. “They just threw me aside and then not too long ago they started to abuse me, a-and I came here because I didn’t know where else to go.”

Cinnabar sighed before they took the glass out of the others hand and got up from the couch before they walked away, “come with me,” they told them loudly. Phos looked at them walk away before they got up as well and followed them, stopping at the doorway when they realized that they followed the other to the bathroom.

The red gem had their oversized black jacket was discarded on the counter near the sink and they had on a tank top that exposed their scarred arms. “Get over here,” they commanded as they looked at them with a straight face, “I’m going to wash out all of that dye in your hair.”

Phos sighed as they went over to the other, somewhat disappointed that the other is treating them like a child. “I can do it myself, you know.”

“I know, but if you can’t even listen to me warn you about something, I can’t trust you to do this.” Cinnabar muttered as they turned around and grabbed some stuff from behind them.

“I guess that makes sense…” they muttered as went over to the other, getting on their knees as they let their head be lightly head by Cinnabar’s thin hands as they moved their upper body over the side of the bathtub they were standing in. They stayed in the position for a while before they winced when they felt water beating on their head.

“Sorry..” Cinnabar muttered with a small frown, leaning over to the adjust the temperature before they took the shower head and put it over their others head. Phos just shook their head as a way to say ‘don’t worry about it’ before they closed their eyes, enjoying the hot water running down the sides of their face.

After a bit, they opened their and watched the water leaving their hair turn a dark blue before going down the drain, looking up a bit to see the original teal tint of their hair. A sigh left their lips before they looked back down at the water leaving their head, looking up at the redhead above them to ask a question. But, when they looked up, they got a better look at each scar along their arms and they got to see how identical they all looked.

 _They cut themselves…?_  Phosphophyllite thought to themselves, realizing that they weren’t scars from their childhood abuse that they dealt with, but they were from self harm.

Before they got to ask them what they wanted to, Cinnabar’s hand pushed their head down so it would be in the same place as it was before. “Sorry,” They muttered, a grunt leaving their tightly closed mouth once their body hit the side of the bathtub again.

There was a barely audible hum that came from the other before they set the shower head on the ground, bending over and combing their fingers through the others hair. Phos closed their eyes as they let out a small sigh as the other let the other one run their thin fingers through each strand of their wet hair. They closed their eyes as they felt was seemed like a stream of shampoo to take out the remaining dye that was still present, the two of them silent except for the popping bubbles that were in their hair.

Cinnabar let out a sigh before they put their soapy hands into the still slightly blue water before they got up, looking down at the other with a frown on their curved lips. “Why did you do this to yourself, Phos?”

Phosphophyllite was quiet for awhile before they opened their eyes and looked at the water before looking up at the redhead above them, “I… I don’t know…” The muttered truthfully as they looked back down at the water with a sad look. They really didn’t know why they practically destroyed themselves for someone who they barely even loved and who _definitely_  didn’t love them.

“I… I think that after Antarc died and I saw…” They paused as their stomach did backflips and they suddenly felt sick, “Cairngorm, i felt this need to want them to notice me and I wanted them to love me like Antarc did because I felt like.. I felt like no one loved me and-”

“I loved you, you dolt!!” Cinnabar yelled angrily, making Phos look up and look at their sad face, their heart breaking when they saw their face wet with tears and their hands balled up as their body shook. “I have always loved you because you were the only person who actually, made my shitty life better than it was and you were always able to make me happy and I loved that about you. And that’s why I almost immediately forgave you after Antarc died and you pushed me away because I thought that-” They stopped talking as they took in a shaky breath before letting out a few sobs and wiped their falling tears away with their wrists.

“I thought that you would finally realize how much I cared for you and I hoped that you would realize how I felt for all of these years, and I was happy when we met up every week to talk and study because I thought that my dream would come true after all of these years of waiting. But then you were _so_  stupid to go off and go to drugs and get drunk until you passed out all to be with someone that you didn’t even know. And when we had that fight, I waited for you Phos-- I went to the same place almost everyday and waited for you to come back and you have no idea how much it hurt for me to realize that you weren't coming back. And you know what, even if i don’t feel the same way as I used to about you, the only reason I let you in was because I truly believe that you always made my life a thousand times better.” Cinnabar explained as they continued to cry, Phos feeling more guilty than ever from listening to the other cry.

How come they didn’t realize it? Cinnabar was always by their side when they grew up and Phos knew-- even as a child-- that they were always happy to be with them and that they always forgave them, no matter what they did. Phos could’ve stabbed them and they would still be right by their side, how come they never noticed how much they cared until now?

“Cinnabar, I-” Phos started to apologize, but they were interrupted when Cinnabar’s wet hand pushed their head back down into the bathtub.

“Shut up,” They snapped, sniffling as they kept their hand on their head as they grabbed the shower head once again, “don’t mention anything I just said ever again.” They muttered. Phosphophyllite sat still for awhile before they nodded with a hum, closing their eyes as they felt the water come back onto their soapy head. It was silent between them once again, the only sounds in between them was Cinnabar sniffling from them crying not too long ago.

When Cinnabar muttered ‘get up’ softly, Phos lifted their head up to look at the other, feeling either water or tears running down their cheeks. The red gem stepped over them before they walked outside of the bathroom to get some towels and handed them to the other still on the floor. “You can stay here if you want.”

“Huh?” Pho’s said, nearly snapping their neck turning their head to look at the other with a surprised look. “B-But are you sure that you want me to stay here even if-“

“It’s fine,” Cinnabar said sternly, a frown forming on their lips as they looked at them. “I would rather you stay here rather than me sending you back home and possibly getting beat again. Just stay here.”

The now-teal haired gem looked at the other, wanting to object to the other _so_  badly, but they didn’t want to go back home yet. They didn’t want to see Cairngorm’s face or hear their voice as they talked to about older person— just thinking about their name made them feel sick to the stomach, so they might as well just accept the others offer. “Thank you, Cinnabar…” they muttered as they looked at the ground.

The other hummed as they shook their head, “you can sleep in my bed while you’re here, I can sleep on the couch since it’ll be easier for me to get up in the morning. And also I’m sure that some of the stuff that I have in my closet will for you, so can wear some of my stuff.”

Phosphophyllite looked at the other before they nodded, pulling the towel the other gave them over their wet hair before they got up and started to head down to the only room with the closed door. When their thin fingers touched the round brass handle, the gem stopped as their stood in place and watched their hand shake for some unknown reason. And before they knew it, they felt their body turn around and watched the other walk to the living room. “Cinnabar!” They called, their body freezing up as they didn’t know what to say next to the other.

The red gem turned and looked at them curiously, their eyes being partially covered by their somewhat long hair that was in their face. “What is it?” They asked after a few minutes of just the two of staring at each other at the end of the hallway.

“I…” Phos started, getting ready to say they didn’t know why before they felt their hands shaking once more and their bottom lip started quivering. “I’m sorry, Cinnabar. I… I was too stupid to realize how much you were there for me all my life and… I’m sorry I never recognized your feelings for me and for hurting you so much. I took advantage of your kindness and I don’t do it ever again, I’m so so sorry and please forgive me.”

It was silent between the two of them once again before Cinnabar sighed, moving their head for their hair to completely cover their face. “It’s fine, **just don’t do it again** ”

Phosphophyllite’s eyes widened as they watched the other stand there for a while before muttering goodnight before they left. Meanwhile, the teal gem had a flashback all the way back to senior year when Antarc died— back to when Cinnabar forgave them before they left to go back to their car. And it was then, standing there, when they realized the sadness in their eyes mixed with the anger they felt.

It was then they realized how much they hurt the only person who cared about them their entire life…

They turned back around and opened the door behind them, laying the towel that was on their wet hair on the pillow so it wouldn’t be too wet in the morning. And once they turned off the lights and got into their bed, they laid there for a few seconds before they felt their lips quiver once more as tears started to fall down their cheeks. Phos let themselves cry in the dark from all the guilt from what Cinnabar said to them not too long ago.

They felt absolutely terrible from not realizing how happy they were together and how they much Cinnabar cared for them. They felt terrible for noticing the others feelings— and they should’ve noticed it after Antarcticite died and they forgave them. They felt terrible for not listening to them and pushing them to the side when they were right, and they should’ve realized how important they were to them.

A high pitched whine left their shaking lips as they covered their face and cried more as their stomach felt sick as everything sank in from what they done. Looking back on everything they did for Cairngorm, they realized how stupid they were from doing things they weren’t initially okay with. They didn’t know who they were anymore, they forgot what they were like before they ruined everything. What would Antarcticite tell them if they were still alive and they found out.

Phos’ fingers snaked up to hold tightly onto their still-wet bangs as they cried, sobbing heavily as they let out all of the feelings that they felt. They never felt this guilty before in their entire life, and they regretted everything that they did before. They didn’t know how much longer they cried in the dark, but they ended up crying themselves to sleep that night.

Cinnabar was the one that woke them up, turning on the big light and shaking them until they woke up. Phosphophyllite tried to keep their eyes closed until they got tired of being shaken, muttering ‘what’ sleepily as they rubbed the crust out of their eyes.

“Get up,” the redhead said grumpily, “I’m about to leave to go to school and I want to make sure you eat something before I leave you alone.”

“Wait..” Phos muttered once again, sitting up in the others bed before they looked at the other confused. “You’re leaving me here alone?”

“Did you hear nothing I just told you?” Cinnabar asked them with a large frown, “yes, I am leaving you here alone because you can’t just go following me around school all day.”

It was their turn to frown, “fine..” they replied, not feeling like arguing with them when they’re letting them stay here for a while. Their teal eyes watched them go into the other side of the bed to pull something out of the wall, putting their charger around their neck before they started to head back to their bedroom door.

“Just stay here until I get back, Okay?” Cinnabar said, looking at them before they closed their door and left to go get an education.

Phos stood there as their stomach started to turn and feel sick again from thinking about Cairngorm once more. The pissed off look on their face as their grey eyes stared at their injured body on the ground before leaving to be with the person who ruined everything. Their body froze as they sudden felt afraid to go out of the room, their first instinct was to curl up in the corner and stay there until Cinnabar got back home.

As they started to head over to the corner, they stopped in their tracks as they just stood there and breathed, their chest heaving as they looked at the ground. They remembered Cinnabars worried expression on their face as they spoke to the other, remembering all of the events last night and how the other allowed them to stay somewhere safe.

“I’m okay,” they whispered, repeating that same phrase over and over again until their heart slowed down and their body relaxed.

Phos turned around and placed their hand on the brass door handle, opening the door and peaking their teal eye out. They stood there and waited until they heard no sound, no voices, no footsteps— no Cairngorm, no Aechmea, they’re safe to leave.

They took gentle steps as they left the others room, going into the kitchen and sat down at the empty table, leaning over and pulling over the plate of food. Their teal eyes looked at it before they took off the clear wrapping around it, a somewhat shaky hand reaching over and grabbing the silverware waiting for them to grab. And once they grabbed the utensils, they started to eat the food that was in front of them, practically inhaling every bite.

Once they were done, they threw away all of the trash on the table before they washed the dishes and placed them on the side of the sink. Phosphophyllite went into the others living room and sat on the floor, pulling the blanket off and placing it around their shoulders, waiting at the door for the redhead to come back.

They didn’t know how long they waited there, but they apparently fell asleep on the side of the couch and was woken up by Cinnabar shaking them up.  
“Hey, get up,” they said softly, their hand resting gently on their shoulder.

“Huh? What’s going on..?” Phosphophyllite asked sleepily, lifting their head up from the couch cushion and looking at the other one confused.

“I need to get to work, you need to come with me so you can get something to eat.” The redhead explained, helping the other get up from the ground. They handed them a plastic bag with some clothes in it, “I got you some clothes on the way home, I hope they fit.”

“Thanks…” they muttered, taking the sack from them and peering inside it for a little bit. They lifted up their head to tell the other that they didn’t need to do that, but the other was already gone when they looked up. Phos looked back into the bag before they exhaled and went into the bathroom to change their clothes, looking into the mirror when they were done.

The shirt that they wore was slightly baggy, the sleeves showing their fingertips along with some parts of their shoulders. The pants that the other got for them fit and they were comfortable— the entire outfit they Cinnabar got for them was comfortable.

Phos went out of the bathroom and went into the front room, waiting patiently for Cinnabar to leave their bedroom. Once they left their room with their hair pulled back into a ponytail— their hair noodle still in front of their face— their red eyes looked at the other. “Does it fit?” They asked as they grabbed a few of their belongings that were by the door.

The teal gem nodded, “Yea, they do. Thank you for getting them for me.”

Cinnabar gently shook their head, giving the other a small smile. “It’s no big deal.” They said softly before they turned to the door and opened it.

Phosphophyllite’s body tensed up when they heard the door click and the noises from outside leak into the other’s apartment. “Wait,” they interjected with panic in their voice, “a-are we going outside?”

The redhead gave them a weird look, “yea, I have to go to work. Is… something wrong with that?”

They made a weird head motion that was in between a nod and a head shake no, “What if Cairngorm sees me and-”

“Did you two go to cafe’s when you were together?” Phos looked at the other curiously before they shook their head, “then you’re fine, they won’t see you around here. Plus your school is far away from here and I doubt that they’ll travel all the way out here to go somewhere. Don’t stress about seeing them around here, those chances are slim.”

Phosphophyllite let out a small sigh of relief before they grabbed their shoes that they had on last night, shoving their feet into the shoes before they both walked out of the others apartment together. The teal gem was practically glued to the others side, not wanting to be separated from the other for both comfort for being outside for the first time in 24 hours and also because they had no clue what they were going. Cinnabar didn’t seem too bothered by the two of them being close, tugging on Phos’ sweatshirt whenever they turned around the corner so they weren’t separated from each other as they walked.

Once they got to their destination, the red gem opened the glass door opened and walked through the door as a little bell dinged. They moved to the side a little and pointed at a booth near the window next to the door, “Sit there while I’m working, okay? I’ll come eat with you when I’m on my break, just don’t anywhere while I’m here.”

Phos nodded and followed the others instructions, plopping down in the booth and scooted over to be next to the wall. They sighed as they sat there and looked around for about a minute before they dug their phone of their pocket, staring at the time before they looked at the mountain of messages they got. Majority of them were surprisingly from Cairngorm and had a ton of missed calls and text messages with threats for them to come back home while others were just them babbling on about being sorry about everything. Phos was tempted to believe them, but in the end they shook their head and blocked the other gem from getting messages from them before they deleted their contact. Once that was done with, they told a few of their close and trustworthy friends that they’re fine and nothing terrible happened to them before telling them to not tell Cairn about how they’re doing. When they asked why, they simply replied that they feel like they don’t deserve the knowledge to know how they’re feeling after how they treated them.

The teal gem placed their phone face down on the table in front of them, resting their face on the palm of their hand with a frown. “It’s going to be a long wait…” They muttered as they looked around at everyone around them, their frown growing when they realized that it’s been only been a few minutes since they sat down. And after a little bit of waiting by themselves, there was a sudden bang on the window from behind them, making them jump and turned to look at the window.

When they turned around, their eyes picked up a flash of pink rushing towards the door before there was a dingle of the bell and a familiar voice yelled “Phos!?”

Phosphophyllite whipped around and looked at the frizzy haired gem with light pink eyes and a couple of scars and tattoos on their arms, immediately noticing the other. “Morga!?” They yelled back, getting up from their seat and smiling happily at the other.

The older gem let out a happy laugh before they went over to the other and gave them a large hug, the younger gem happily returning it and let out a happy hum from seeing their old friend again. “It’s been forever since the last time I saw you! What have you been up to since then?” They asked when they pulled away from their hug.

Phos shrugged, trying not to sweat most of the details, “Nothing much, what about you?”

The other shrugged as well, “The same as you really, just trying to survive this last year without going insane.” Morganite replied jokingly as they sat down across from the other. They told the teal gem that they were going to college to be a hairdresser once they left and that they worked at a tattoo shop right now so they could earn some money to pay off the loans from college.

And when Phos asked about what everyone else was doing, the pink gem’s eyes lit up before telling them about all the things their high school friends were doing. They said that Rutile was going to be a doctor, Padparadscha was going to be a lawyer, Cinnabar was in school for a math degree and Sphene was an engineer. Diamond and Red Beryl were both designer, Bort was in medicine and did track on the side, Goshe was going for a biology, and both Jade and Euclase were in communications and other smart people things. And then Yellow and Zircon were going to be psychologists, Neptunite was trying to get a music degree, Benito was going to get an English degree and the list grew on.

Phosphophyllite was amazed about how much the people they went to school with Did even if it was something simple— they were just surprised that people were actually doing things rather than them and threw their life away for a dingus. “Do you come by here often?”

Morganite nodded, “Yea, my apartment complex isn’t too far away from here so I pass by here almost everyday,” they explained as they moved a few strands of hair out of their face. “What about you?”

“This is my first time coming here,” Phos let out a nervous chuckle as they leaned back in their seat, “my school is on the other side of the city and I stopped coming over on this side all together.”

The pink gem raised their eyebrow, “then what are you doing over here?”

Phosphophyllite let out a sigh as they looked up at the ceiling and thought of a simple answer rather the long and complicated one. “I live with someone who I mistaken to be someone else, and they are the exact opposite and… and it’s complicated to explained.” They knew that they butchered the explanation, but Morganite seemed to understand and nod softly.

“And so I’m staying with Cinnabar for the time being until I’m ready to go back or until they kick me out.” They added jokingly.

“Well, I hope that you never leave their place because it’s nice to have you back, Phos.” They said with a smile as they rested their head on their hand, leaving the other to nod with a smile as well. After that, they just caught up on things and shared funny memories that happened in the past and other stuff. Their time was sadly cut short when Goshenite called their roommate and asked if they were still at the store to get things— and they lied and bullshitted their way through the call.

Phos watched them get up and leave, waving at them as they walked out before they let out a loud sigh and waited for someone else to come and distract them until Cinnabar came back.

Luckily for them, it wasn’t too much longer before the redhead came back with a sweater to hide their work shirt that they had back. They handed the other the menu so they could find something to eat something to eat for dinner. “Did you have a nice talk with Morganite?” They asked after the two of them ordered what they wanted.

The teal head nodded, “Yea, it was really nice to see them again and hear about what everyone is doing.”

The other hummed, “they usually come by here a lot with other people we went to high school with to study or to just hang out.”

Phos nodded softly as they rested their chin on their palm again, the two of them sitting in silence for a little bit. “Morga told me that you’re getting a math degree.” The teal gem muttered as they looked at the other curiously.

They could tell that Cinnabar wasn’t expecting to be asked any questions at the moment from the look on their face, “Yea, what about it?”

The other shrugged, “nothing really, I was just wondering why you decided to get a math degree of all things.”

“I just like math, I thought that you knew that.”

Phosphophyllite shook their head, “I might’ve forgotten about it then because we haven’t seen each other for a while.”

Cinnabar nodded softly before they picked up their phone, typing away at it and looked back at the other. “What’s your major?”

“Hm?” Phos hummed as they raised their eyebrow softly before they simply replied “astronomy.”

“I didn’t know that you liked stuff like that.”

“I didn’t know that either until someone suggested it for me to take it.”

The red gem nodded softly, looking at one of the people who they worked with give them food before they looked back at the teal gem. “Do you like it?”

Phos nodded as they sat up and grabbed their silverware so they could eat, “Yea, I find it pretty interesting.”

Their conversation ended once they both started to eat the food in front of them, silence at the table as they ate. And once the redhead finished, they got their stuff before going right back to work, leaving the teal gem to wait once again.

But, Phosphophyllite ended resting their head down on the table and taking a nap until it was time for the other for them to go home. It was difficult for them to drift off, but the next thing they knew they were being tapped on the shoulder repeatedly.

They lifted up their head sleepily and looked at Cinnabar standing over them, “let’s go home.” They muttered simply, their red eyes watching them nod before their gentle hands helped them stand up and walk back to their apartment. Their entire walk back to the others place was silent, the only sound coming from their soft footsteps and other noises from the city.

When they got into the other’s apartment, the teal gem immediately went into the other’s room and collapsed on their bed, nuzzling their head into the pillow as they closed their heavy eyes and breathed. They laid there for awhile as they listen to the other put things down from the other room, shuffling of their feet as they walked around and went to their room before stopping for a little bit. Phos opened their eyes slightly to look at the other standing in front of the doorway and look around the room before they headed back out mumbling something. “Hey,” the teal gem muttered when they saw the other turn around, sitting up from their spot in the bed. When they saw their red eyes move to look at them sitting up in the semi-dark room, the other cleared their throat a little bit. “You can change in here, I won’t look.”

There was silence between them before the other nodded, a somewhat noticeable blush spreading across their face. “Okay.” They muttered before they went back into their room, their eyes looking at the ground as they walked to the dresser near Phos was sitting up.

Keeping their word, the other laid down and buried their face into the pillow once more, listening to the rustling of clothing and drawers opening. But, as they laid there and listened to the others movements, their curiously got the best of them and they couldn’t help but move their head to the others direction.

Their teal eyes opened and looked at the others bare back, looking at the curve of their spine as they moved. Their skin looked soft and surprisingly didn’t have have scars or anything from what they knew that they’ve been through. The bones on Cinnabar’s shoulders stuck out a little bit as they moved around and they could see small glimpses of their sharp collarbone. And when they bent down to get something off of the floor, their eyes could see the others small breasts along with the rosy tint of their skin around the center. Phos ended up rolling over and staring at the wall for a while before the other could catch them staring at them. And by the time the other left the room, the younger gem was already drifting off to sleep.

When they woke up in the morning, they woke up from the sun that illuminated the entire room— which the light forces them to to get up from the bed. Phosphophyllite walked out of the others room and found that the red gem already left the apartment. The blankets they slept with were already put away and there was a plate wrapped in tin foil that was on the table.

Phos stood there confused before they walked into the small kitchen and sat down, grabbing a fork before they unravelled the foil and started to eat. It was somewhat cold, but they were too lazy to actually get up and heat it up in the microwave that was right behind them.

When they finished, they put the plate and silverware into the empty sink before throwing away the tin foil. They sat down on the couch and wrapped themselves up with the folded blanket next to them. Their teal eyes looked at the blank tv in front of them before they sighed, taking apart their cocoon and looking for the remote. After a while of figuring out how to turn it on and jumping when something appeared, they just ended up watching cartoons all day.

It felt like forever until the doorknob started jiggling and opened up to a redhead and a familiar face behind them. Cinnabar’s red eyes looked at them for a few seconds before they put their stuff down and went over to the other. “Did you do this all day?”

Phos nodded promptly, “Yea, I didn’t know what else to do.” They replied as they looked at the others face.

The other sighed as they walked to their room, their voice echoing from their location, “at least do something instead of nothing all day.”

“I’ll try!” Phosphophyllite yelled, looking at the other leave the room and leave them alone with the running tv and the other person. A frown came onto their lips as they grumbled, turning back around and looking at the tv again. They looked at the dumb actions of the character on the screen, only looking away when they felt the empty spot next to them slightly sink.

A curious hum left their lips as they looked to see who was sitting next to them, a large smile appearing on their lips. “Dia!!”

Diamond— whose hair was still the short colorful bob that they always had— smiled at the other happily and waved. They gave the other a tight hug, a small hum as they embraced the other. “I haven’t seen you in awhile, how have you been.”

“I’ve been doing a lot better lately, what about you!”

They nodded in agreement, “I’ve been doing pretty good as well! I didn’t expect you to be here until Morga told me!”

Phos hummed happily as they looked at their old friends face, “is that why you came here with Cinnabar?”

Diamond shook their head, “no— I would’ve seen you at work sometime this week. We were planning on going to my house later to study with some other people, but I guess Bort left their charger here and asked Cinnabar to get it for them.”

The teal gem nodded softly before they stopped and looked at the other curiously, “wait, why was Bort here?”

“I guess they never told you the news, huh?” The other asked with a small smile, “the two of them are dating.”

“Huh!?” Phos yelled loudly, their voice sounding almost like a goose when it left their lips.

Diamond laugh they nodded to confirm it, “Yea, they’ve been dating for about a year now. Bort usually comes over after their practice to check on them or to give them company or something.”

 

Phosphophyllite nodded softly, their chest clenching up as they realized Cairngorm never would do something like that if they didn’t live together. But still, they smiled at the other, “I never would’ve expected them to date or anything like that.”

 

“Same here, but I guess they liked Cinnabar ever since freshman year in high school and I only doing that out because they got drunk and went on a tangent. I ended up persuading them to confess and they’ve been together ever since.”

 

“I mean, they seem happy so I’m not too upset about it,” the younger gem muttered, smiling at the other before their eyes drifted down to the fabric of the couch. It was quiet between them before the teal gem moved their head to look at the other curiously. “Do you think they…”

 

Diamond nodded before they could finish their sentence, “Yea, I was thinking the same thing actually.” They laughed before they shifted in their seat, “I tried asking Cinnabar not too long ago, but they wouldn’t tell me anything. If you have any luck with finding that out, let me know, Okay?”

 

Phos nodded with a large smile, “I’ll let you know!” They said jokingly, continuing to smile at the other as they leaned back into their seat and sighed. “It’s so weird coming back and seeing how much they’ve changed… especially since I’ve grown up with them and everything.”

 

The other nodded softly, “it is a little weird seeing how much we changed since we been to college together. I knew them a little bit from high school, but they seemed to change a lot differently the last few years.”

 

The teal gem raised their eyebrow, “How so?”

 

Diamond sighed as they thought for a bit before they ran their hand through their hair and looked at them. “I don’t know how to explain it… I guess they distanced themselves from everyone around sophomore year and wouldn’t really talk to anyone. I heard that they didn’t show up for class that much and when they did they were late most of the time. Then they were hospitalized twice-“

 

“Wait, why were they in the hospital?”

 

The other sighed, “the first time was they cutting themselves and ended up slitting a major vein in their arm. We talked to them about it and they said that they weren’t going to do it again, and we made sure that they didn’t do anything like that. But, then finals and other stuff started happening that we ended up forgetting and they tried to commit suicide. We gave them some space for about a day because a couple of us went to visit them and asked why they did it. And all Cinnabar said was because no one was there to stop them before asking that we left them alone.”

 

Phosphophyllite immediately felt the guilt starting to grow and their stomach started to do somersaults because they just knew that it was their fault. It was their fault that they snapped at Cinnabar for having common sense — which was something that they didn’t have apparently — and constantly bragged that they had a better life than theirs. It was their fault that they pushed aside the person who cared about them the most and in the end made them so miserable that they tried to kill themselves. 

 

They opened their mouth to apologize before they remembered that it was Diamond sitting in front of them and not Cinnabar. “I… I really don’t deserve them in my life…”

 

“None of us really do… they’re an amazing friend and we’re all really lucky to have them as a friend.”

 

Phosphophyllite nodded, their eyes only being able to look down at the ground and could only feel guilty. They were going to say something else, but before words left their mouth there were footsteps from behind them.

 

Cinnabar’s red eyes peered from around the corner as they quietly stood with the others black charger in their hand. “Um… are you ready?” They asked them shyly. 

 

Diamond nodded before they got up from the couch and headed to the door, “Yea.”

 

Phos looked at the others face before they gave the other a nod as well and got up from the couch, following the other to the door. The red gem followed them out and closed the front door behind them, locking it before walking to the others apartment. 

 

It wasn’t that much of a walk to the others apartment and it was just a few blocks away from where Cinnabar’s place was. The whole walk there, Phosphophyllite wanted to tell the other that they’re sorry for everyone again, but they knew that would ruin the mood for the rest of the night. 

 

When Diamond opened the already unlocked door, there were already people inside of the others apartment. From what they could see from where they were standing, Padparadscha was lounging on the couch, Rutile was sitting next to them, Yellow Diamond was just… laying on the floor, and Zircon was in a corner. 

 

Phosphophyllite looked at all of their old friends before their stomach started to churn a little bit, the guilt from earlier started to go away and worry took its place. They went unnoticed for a few minutes as they followed the redhead and sat down next to them, sitting there awkwardly as they shifted in their spot. It was about a minute before Padparadscha put down the textbook they were reading through and looked at the teal gem curiously. “Phos?” They asked as they raised their eyebrow, their question making their partner raise their head in curiosity. 

 

The teal gem looked at all of the pairs of eyes that looked at the curiously before they gave an awkward smile and waved at them. “Uh… hi..” they said as they looked around the room. 

 

Yellow was the first one to move, getting up from the spot they were laying at and rushing over to the other and threw their arms around them. “It’s so nice to see you again!!” They yelled happily, almost suffocating the other from how tightly they were hugging the other. 

 

Padparadscha was the next person to move, getting up from their spot on the couch and their long legs smacking Rutile in the side of the head as they got up. They sat next to the other and rustled their messy hair, “ah, You’ve grown up so much from the last time I saw you! You look like an adult now rather than a little squirt!”

 

“They do look a lot more older!” 

 

And it wasn’t too long until they got their space from everyone and got to talk to them without being touched, Phos having to scoot back from everyone so they could have their own space. It was weird how it went from just a simple study group -- well, expect for Rutile sitting by themselves near the couch before Yellow went over to pried the book from their hands-- from a hangout sort of thing. But, Phos wasn’t too picky about it, and apparently no one else who went there were upset by the others unannounced appearance to their little get together.

 

It was weird for the teal gem when they realized that they weren’t just happy to see their old friends they haven’t seen in years-- but during some part in the night when they got up to drag Cinnabar to jin the rest of them, they realized that they were actually having fun. They were having more fun than they could ever have while they were with Cairngorm or anything else, and it honestly felt amazing to let out true genuine laughs and real smiles that they could show to everyone around them.

 

It was in that moment that up until they left their apartment, they were just pretending to be someone else and pretended to do things they weren’t okay with doing. They realized that they weren’t really happy with doing things because someone they “liked” were doing them. But, when they were  Pad, Zircon, Rutile, and Yellow, they felt like they didn’t need to pretend to be someone else for them-- but they could just be their regular silly self.

 

Phos could do whatever they wanted without feeling criticized or the need to not be themselves. They could make fun of when Rutile laughed and the drink they were drinking went out of their nose. And they could laugh at the time where they did something dumb without feeling judged, or they could mock Padparadscha when they remembered something funny they said. And even when Bort— the older, stronger, and the only gem they were terrified of— came later into the night, they felt like they could feel whatever the hell they wanted to feel. 

 

And when they left to go back to Cinnabar’s place, that was when everything fully sank into their mind. 

 

Cinnabar was right— they were right from the very start and even before Phos fucked everything up and they stopped talking. When they walked side by side, they realized how bad of a friend they were and how terrible of a person they were in general. They shoved their best friend aside for someone else, and then didn’t even acknowledge the others feelings until it was too late.

 

Then they yelled at them for having something called common sense and while they were having “the best time of their life”, the other was extremely miserable. And after all that Phos did to them, they still allowed them in their house and to sleep in their bed and still cared for them like old times. And everything hurt a million times more when they realized something they should’ve realized a long time ago— that their dumb self loved Cinnabar. 

 

“Phos?”

 

Phosphophyllite looked up and realized that the other was ahead of them, not even realizing that they were so lost in their thoughts. They looked at the others somewhat worried expression before they felt their eyes burn and tears started to stream down their cheeks. “I’m sorry, Cinnabar.”

 

“What are you-“

 

“I know I said it before, but I’m really am sorry for everything,” they apologized, their wet eyes watching the other one stop in their tracks. “When you were finding Bort’s charger, Dia told me about what you did and it’s all my fault you had such a shitty time. I-It’s my fault because I yelled at you for having common sense and left you and I should’ve went back earlier and apologized sooner.”

 

“Phos, I-“

 

“And I’ll make it up to you okay!? I’m going to stay with you until I’m a better person than I was before I came back. And I’m going to make up for all of the times I pushed you aside for someone else, so whenever you aren’t working or going on a date or something with Bort were going to do fun stuff, okay? A-And we’ll do all of the things I wanted to do with you during the summers your parents wouldn’t let you go hang out. And-“

 

They were interrupted when another body pressed against theirs, stumbling back a little as arms wrapped around their torso. “Just shut up,” Cinnabar muttered, their voice cracking as their head rested in the crook of the others neck and tears fell on the others short. “Just shut up…”

 

Phos felt the others fingers grip onto the back of their shirt as they held the others shaking body, the both of them holding each other tightly as they cried in the middle of the street. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was a lot longer than I expected to be amenable I managed to find a stopping point, so it’s going to be split into 2 chapters.


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